The story of Me
by outsidersfanlovesdally
Summary: Pony finds an old notebook, when he opens it he can't believe what he finds! Dally wrote 'The story of me'. Please review! :)
1. The beginning

**I don't own the Outsiders! **

(Ponyboy's P.O.V.)

I walked into Buck's place with what was left of the gang behind me. It had been two weeks since Dallas and Johnny died. Buck's eyes were red, when he told us to come get Dally's stuff. When I walked thru the door, I was handed a box marked 'Dally's room'. I took it home and started to go thru it remembering the guy I had known as my buddy.

I picked out and folded his clothes, like we did when mom and dad passed. Then I kept the best looking box of camels, and threw out other trash. I picked up the cowboy boots he wore when he jockeyed. I saw the busted blade that Dally used to slash Tim's tires that night before the movies. I got his sunglasses and his cigarette lighter. I didn't expect an old black notebook in the bottom of the box.

I picked it up, and opened it to the first page.

_Dallas Winston's Personal Property_

_Read and I will beat your head in! _

Same old Dally; I flipped to the next page…

_The story of me_

_My story starts the same way as anyone's; on the day I was born. It was a cold November night, in a little run down hospital in the worst part of the Bronx. My mom was real sick and frail when she had me. She died about an hour and a half after I was born, didn't even fill out the birth certificate. It was the nurse that filled it out._

I closed it real fast; this was Dally's life, wrote by Dallas himself! Shouldn't I read this, it was personal and raw. What he really felt about everything, what his time was like in New York. To know what went through Dally's head… I opened the notebook again. A copy of his birth certificate fell out, like the one the nurse filled out…

Full birth name: **_Dallas Lee Winston_**

Date of birth:_**November 9, 1948**_

Place of birth: **_South Bronx Medical Center_**

Birth mother: **_Charlotte Smith Winston _** Birth father: **_Nicholas Earl Winston _**

I stared at it for a while; He never told us his birthday or his middle name. We just guessed at it, when we tried to give him a birthday party. He told us it was in November; I never would have thought of Lee as a middle name. It sounded kind of like a Soc name…

_I always hated my middle name, it sounded girly. I never told anyone my birthday, it was no big deal; another hood was born, Whoop-de-do! My dad wasn't their when I was born; he was in Tulsa on a business trip… I guess he was happy my real mom had died, that way he could marry my step-mom._

_ He met her in Tulsa, and supposedly fell in love with her. I just saw it as cheating on my mom. I moved to Tulsa when I was a week old, so I didn't even know I was born their till I was a little older. My step-mom hated me; she said I looked to much like my real mom. Dad tried to make me look more like him; he would he grease my hair back and dress me like him. It never worked; I still had mom's light hair and blue eyes…_

"Pony, go to bed! You have that track meet tomorrow!" Darry hollered from the kitchen

"Okay, night guys!" and I realized Two Bit and Steve were here when they, along with Soda and Darry replied

"Good night Pone!"

**Hey y'all,**

** If you want another chapter please tell me! I just wrote this off the top of my head, so any ideas you would like to see would be great too! **

**Stay gold,**

** Outsidersfanlovesdally**


	2. From this to that

Chapter 2

I woke up and I grabbed that notebook again. It was Saturday; I had all day to read. Soda and Darry had already gone to work; breakfast was waiting for me on the table. I opened it up to the page from last night, the one about him looking like his mom. He never spoke about his parents; now I can find about them.

_My real mom had real light hair and blue eyes; just like me… When I was about two or so my step-mom decided she wanted to be a real New Yorker. She had my dad wrapped around her finger; He packed everything and we left. _

_Dad was a banker. He had enough money to buy a new house in New York and keep our little house in Tulsa. He never gave my real mom any money though, that's why she had to go to the Bronx to have me… He was selfish if he didn't like you. He would give my step mom anything she wanted, she just had to ask._

_When I was seven years old, my dad lost everything. He lost his job and my step-mom ran out on him… He started drinking hard and heavy; we lost the house and our car. We had to move to the South side of the Bronx, where I met some guys that became my gang. _

_The first two I met were Dale and Eddie. I was only seven at the time; I had just gone from being one of the richest kids in New York to one of the poorest. I was mad at everyone and everything like I had never been before; and getting jumped was the icing on the cake._

_I was walking to the little rundown grocery store. I had my black Madras shirt tucked into my slacks and I was running my hand over my short hair that had just been cut. My face and arms were covered in bruises. I stole my dad's blade; it came in handy for that trip…_

I was so shocked that I nearly screamed. Dallas Winston was a Soc. Our Dally had seen what it was like to have everything he ever wanted… He never said a word, something really bad must have happened for him to switch sides.

_I used to be like Johnny Cade; dad would have a lot to drink and get mad. He would take it out on anything and anyone around him. I was around most of the time. He would beat me up and throw glass bottles at me. He kicked me out of the house, but I came back anyway. I had been scared out of my skin, but I still thought he could love me. I still wanted him to care…_

I tried hard to imagine Dallas being like Johnny was. It was impossible, Dallas was tough and hard. He never cared about what anyone thought. I guess this is where he gets hard, where I get to see him go from a kid to a hood.

_ I was going down to the store to get some milk and bread with the money I stole from his wallet. I was walking down the side of the street when the two guys stepped out of the ally._

"_Hey what are you doing on this side of town Viper kid?" a guy that looked about fifteen asked me in a gruff voice._

_Viper; that's what we called Soc's in New York. The rich kids who had everything they wanted and more. That is what these guys saw me as. I just saw them as the Lions; Lions were like greasers, well more like hoods really._

"_I'm not a viper, I just moved from that side of town…" I replied, hoping they wouldn't hurt me._

"_You got anything in your pockets worth taking?" _

_I tossed my money at his feet._

"_Two Hundred dollars!" he exclaimed._

"_What else you got kid?" his buddy as cracking his knuckles._

"_Nothing, that's all I had honest!" I squeaked. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared, it was the first time I got jumped…_

"_I think you're lying kid, I don't like liars…" He pushed me into the brick wall, and picked me up by my collar. I was kind of little then; I shrunk back, waiting for the punch. Then I remembered my dad's blade…_

"_Put me down!" I hollered. After he stopped laughing he said_

"_What are you going to kid, fight me?! I would love to see you try!"_

_I put all of my strength behind the kick that made him drop me. Then I pulled out the blade…_

"_Eddie, stop. I like this kid." The guy that grabbed my money said._

"_Dale, this little brat kicked me! He needs to be taught a lesson!" Eddie countered _

"_We'll teach him alright, but we are not going to beat him up just yet. It's not everyday someone has the guts to pull a blade on the second in command of the Jesse gang…_

_I shuttered, the Jesse gang were the worst of the Lions. They were going to kill me. I would rather be beat up a hundred times over, than go see Jesse Russell._

"_Let's take him to Jesse, this kid's tough." Dale said to Eddie._

"_Kid, are you going to come or are we going to make you?" Dale said to me,_

"_I-I-I'll go" I stammered out. I was terrified._

"_If you want to stay alive when you meet Jesse, don't stammer." And they started walking down the street on each side of me, like prison guards. That's how my first jumping turned into a recruiting for the worst gang in the big apple._

"Pony, you home!" I heard Two- Bit yell.

"Yeah, I'm here!" I yelled back.

"You want to go to the diner, I'm starved!?" he asked.

"I'll go, hang on!" I marked my place in the notebook, tied my sneakers, then I left to go eat.

**Thanks to Phoenixx Rising, 7.06andcounting, ThePreachingNarwhal, Director99, and dragonborn360 for reviewing! **

**Please review, I need some ideas! Do you want another chapter? : ) **


	3. Meeting Jesse Russell

Chapter 3: Meeting Jesse Russell

When I got back from the diner, I remembered I still had my track meet tonight. It was no big deal; I was fast enough to win. I was excited to come back to Dally's notebook. So many questions were running through my head; the most important one was who is Jessie Russell? And why was Dally so afraid of him, were they really that bad?! I figured I could read another three or four pages. He didn't write this to be a book, so there were no chapters…

_As I walked down the street with Dale and Eddie, I thought about Jesse Russell. He was just the type of guy I wanted to be._

What?! One minute he is scared to death of the guy, the next he wants to be just like him! Unbelievable; then I thought about Johnny. He was scared of Dallas to at first, and then Dallas became his hero… Maybe this Jesse guy was Dally hero…

_ He was tough and he didn't care what people thought of him. He had a record a mile long and was twice as mean as anyone on this side of town. He liked the fact that people were scared of him; they respected him. Man, to have peoples respect! To have everyone in town know you by name! I decided then that Jesse was the coolest guy on the planet; if I could even be around him would be the best! Of course I wouldn't tell him what I thought; he didn't need a little runt's admiration. _

This is exactly what Johnny thought of Dallas! This is crazy; Dallas was like Johnny as a kid! That's why he never said anything; it would ruin his rep for everyone to know he was like this growing up! The scared kid that no one wanted; the kicked puppy in a crowd of strangers! Dallas wasn't always the cool tough guy; he had been a wimp!

_ That's why when I was brought in to an old warehouse to meet him I was nervous and excited. When I walked into the room I was the youngest there, by a long shot… I was seven, the next youngest looked about twelve. Dale and Eddie pushed me into a dark room. They walked in and locked the door behind them; all of the sudden someone turned on a desk lamp. _

_ Sitting in front of me was my idol, Jesse Russell. He looked eighteen, the oldest of his gang. His eyes were a real dark brown, cold from seeing the world like it really was. He was long legged and broad shouldered; he was built kind of like Darry. His hair was real long, just like everyone's on this side of town. It was as straight as a board and the color of the sky on a starless night._

_ I couldn't tell anyone in Tulsa, but I've looked at the night sky a many a time. I was snapped back into reality by a slap across the face. _

"_Hey kid, Jesse asked you a question!" Eddie shouted at me._

"_Sorry, what did you say?" I ask Jesse while looking at my feet._

"_If you are going to speak to me at least look me in the eye kid!" he said sharply._

_I looked him in the eye trembling,_

"_Sorry" I muttered_

"_Now, I asked you what people call you." He said calmly _

"_Everyone calls me kid, but my name is Dallas" I replied_

"_You got a last name?"_

"_Winston; my name's Dallas Winston"_

"_So which one you like being called, Dallas or kid?"_

"_Well, I like being called Dally. But you can call me what you want…"_

"_I will call you Dally. I have to see your fighting skills before I will let you in my gang…"_

"_You're giving me a chance to be in the Jesse gang?!" I felt my eyes get wide, I wish they wouldn't though. I bet I looked real dumb to him..._

"_Dally I have got to see you fight first, but yeah. Dale and Eddie thought you were ok enough to bring, so why not?"_

_I just kept my mouth shut. If he was going to give me a chance, I wasn't going to blow it. _

"_Who will I have to fight?"_

"_Well how old are you, Dally?"_

_I felt my ears get hot; no way he was going to let me in…_

"_Mr. Jesse, I turn eight in a week." I had looked straight in his eyes the whole time; now my gaze fell to the floor. My ears were on fire, I wished my hair was longer so it would cover them._

"_Dally look at me," I did what I was told,_

"_No more of that Mr. stuff, I'm seventeen not seventy! I will have to speak with Dale and Eddie for a minute, and then we talk ok?"_

_I just nodded and he left, what he didn't know is I could still hear them outside…_

"_Eight, Dale! This kid is eight years old! He shouldn't even be walking alone in this neighborhood and you recruited him! What am I supposed to do with a kid that young!? I won't let him fight the Vipers, or the Alley Cats or even the punks on the west side! I won't let a kid that little get beaten to death in a gang fight! Next time you bring guy here, make sure they can ride all the rides at the state fair!"_

_My dad has a real bad temper; I guess I got it from him…_

_I jumped out of my chair and threw open the door. My eyes got darker that day; that was the day I fought Jesse Russell. _

There is no way Dallas took on a gang leader at eight years old! He wasn't that stupid!

_That was the dumbest thing I've ever done. I snapped, memories of dads beatings and my step-mom leaving and us lousing everything, coming back like a wave. Saying good bye to my friends up town, just to come and be laughed at by hoods! My blood was boiling. _

"_I will take you right here right now Jesse Russell!" I yelled_

_The whole room stopped and stared…_

**Hey y'all,**

**The big fight is next chapter! I still need ideas and if y'all want more chapters, review! : )**


	4. The fight and I'm not staying

Chapter 4- the fight

_The whole room stopped and stared…_

_It must have looked insane a little kid, challenging a gang leader, but I was dead serious. I had never fought before, but I wasn't going to let them laugh at me. _

_Jessie looked at me, and started to laugh_

_"Kid I'm not going to fight you; I would kill you and I don't want murder on my rap sheet…" _

_"I think you are scared of me, because you have almost everything else on your rap sheet." What was I doing?! I couldn't take him, now I'm asking for trouble…_

_"Guys take the kids jacket, check him for any weapon besides a blade…" they did what they were told. We walked into the ally beside the warehouse. He took out a blade, so I got my dad's out too. His switchblade made my dad's look like a pocket knife…_

_"Look Dallas, if we get picked up by the fuzz this fight was my fault, ok?"_

_I just nodded, if he wanted to take the fall, I would let him. He came toward me and landed the first punch on the side of my rib cage. I followed with a hard left hook to his nose; to bad I put my thumb inside my fist…_

Oh that hurts! Even I knew that in my first fight! My brothers taught me never do that; you will break your thumb. Dallas didn't have any brothers…

_A shock went through my hand, I shouldn't have done that. I could hear sirens and I knew someone had called the fuzz… Let Jesse take the fall._

_I ran and hid from the cops. _

_"You're lucky kid; Jesse would have killed you for sure!" Dale said pointing at me._

_I nodded at him, he was right, Jesse could of… I turned to see him getting put in the back of the patrol car, he would be in jail a while._

The one time the cops actually helped Dallas; I thought with a chuckle. I remembered that he doesn't get arrested until he was ten, he was only eight. This is the three years on the bad side of New York! I was starting to think that Dallas had seen it all.

He had been a Soc and a Greaser; He had been a good kid and a bad kid. He had for the most part a good home life in the beginning, and then it got worse toward the end… He had seen every angle, that's why he was so bitter. He knew the up's and down's of every side.

_I didn't care if I ever saw Jesse again… The next week I stayed in the little run-down apartment that me and dad called home. I had missed our old house, it was spotless and huge not little and dirty like this one. Dad wanted to stay in New York, and see if he could find another job. I wanted to get as far away from it as I could._

And you will in about three years, and never tell anyone about being there…

_I wasn't thinking about today, November 9__th__. I wasn't thinking about how I was eight year old today. I was thinking how could my dad hurt me this badly…_

_ Physically the beatings weren't any worse than normal, but the things he said hurt me from the inside out…_

_I woke up, and was getting money out of his wallet again; I wanted to get a birthday cake, but my dad caught me red handed. _

_"You little thief, I worked hard to put that money in my pocket and you are stealing from me!" he yelled._

_"I'm sorry dad, I just wanted to get a birthday cake, I'm eight today!" _

_"What are you so happy about? Eight years ago today, the biggest mistake of my life came along!"_

_"You don't really mean that! Dad you're drunk, you don't really mean that!... right?"_

_"You think I care about you? You little punk, I don't give hang! I never did!"_

_That was all I could take. I grabed my bag the I had packed when I thought I was going to run away, the first time. Then I ran out the door, I wasn't going to stay where I wasn't wanted..._

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed and favorited this story, it means SO much!**

**Ideas and reviews are needed for more chapters and they make me happy! : )**


	5. The best choice I've ever made

Chapter 5

_I wasn't going to stay where I wasn't wanted..._

I never realized how bad Dally and his dad didn't get along… I couldn't imagine my parents calling me a mistake or kicking me out. I guess that's why he cared so much about mom and dad; they were the only respectable parents he had known…

_The next three years were miserable; I scrounged around for food, slept where I could and I fought all the time. I was sitting under an awning in front a grocery store. That was where I saw one of the most unbelievable headlines on the daily paper…_

_'**Local Teen Dies In Police Pursuit' **_

_I was numb as I flipped to the page that told the story of Jesse Russell's death._

_**Jesse was evading arrest in a stolen vehicle when he lost control in a curve, the car overturned several times and Jesse died at the scene. He was seventeen years old.**_

_I heard a few guys talking about how the car landed on him, after he was ejected. What a way to die…_

I had to stop a minute. He was ten when Jesse died, his hero died… I thought grimly.

_Jesse was dead. Jesse Russell was indestructible, now he's dead. _

_I felt sorrow, sure I only knew him for a short time but I looked up to him! Now he's gone!_

_Before I knew what I was doing, I had busted a window out in the front of a fancy shop downtown. I wasn't even running when I got hauled in for destruction of property. The store owner decided to press charges. I was put in juvy for thirty days. _

The first time he does anything wrong and they put him in juvy for a month! Poor kid, no wonder he hated the cops…

_ The food was horrible and the beds were hard. The guards were smart alecks and jerks and got put in solitary for fighting a couple of times. Everyone looked the exact same, short hair and orange uniforms. What I hated most about it was they wouldn't let me smoke, I wanted out!_

_The day came thirty days later; I was shocked when my dad came to pick me up. He was the same man who kicked me out of the house three years earlier, but he was a little less drunk and not quite as mean._

_"Dallas get your butt in this car before I have to make you sit!" he yelled at me. I was walking down the street, trying to ignore him. He didn't want me then, why should he want me back now that I'm a real hood with a police record._

_"I'm serous Dallas, get in this car now! I don't have time for this, we are moving! I got a job in Tulsa. We can move back to our old house if it hasn't sold yet!" he said, sounding almost happy._

_"What makes you think I want to move to Tulsa?! Don't you remember?! I'm the biggest mistake of your life; you kicked me out and told me that you didn't care if I came back! Why do you want me to come with you so bad now?!" I shouted releasing my full anger on him._

_"Dallas, I drank a lot then, you know that! I have been getting better, I don't drink as much or as often as I used to! I don't want you to end up like that Jesse kid, okay?! I don't want that life for you; you could be rich and famous! You are smart Dallas, remember that!" he pleaded with me. _

_It had started to rain. Either I get in the car where it's dry and go to Tulsa, or I can stay here in New York in the rain with nowhere to go, no friends and no family. Although I hate to say it, it was a pretty easy choice; I got in the car with my dad._

_Little did I know that was the best choice I ever made…_

**I'm so exicited, this story got 20 reviews! Y'all are awesome, thanks so much! I want to get at least five reviews on this chapter, so please read and review! The next chapter is where Dallas meet's the gang, so any ideas on that would be welcomed! :) Thanks again for all who reviewed in the eariler chapters!**

**Stay gold,**

**Outsidersfanlovesdally**


	6. Meeting new people

**I wish I owned the Outsiders, but I don't!**

**I asked ten different people who should Dallas meet first, and the winner is… **

Chapter 6-Coming to Tulsa

_That was the best choice I ever made…_

The only reason Dally came to Tulsa was to get out of the rain. Wow, I'm glad it was raining that day! All of our lives would be a lot different if he hadn't come along… I won first place in my track race. It was fun, but I was thinking about how Dally saw us.

_When we pulled into the driveway of our old house, I was thinking about how boring Tulsa was compared to New York. I was tired of being here already._

_I was about to ditch this place when I saw some little kid sitting alone in a big open lot. I usually hated little kids, but he reminded me so much of myself. The way he was by himself, the way no one cared that he was cold and it was late at night. _

_I looked away, I didn't care. Dallas Winston doesn't care about anyone. Not about dad, not about Jesse and definitely not about some dumb kid!_

You just wait! I thought with a stupid grin on my face. Then I saddened, that is the kid you will die for…

_I didn't have anything when I moved, my only other set of clothes were in the bag I took when dad kicked me out. They were really small and wore out, so I tried not to wear them often._

_I decided to check out Tulsa. I had wandered by some railroad tracks, that's when he stepped out of a dark ally._

I knew where this was going. There was only one gang in Tulsa that hung out by the tracks.

_I was smarter than the first time, I pulled out my blade._

"_Watch it pal, I'm not afraid to use it!" I growled; he stepped out of the shadows. The way he was holding the blade stood out to me, in a firm but loose hold. His hand seemed steady holding the tan handled blade in the moonlight._

_He had fought with a blade before. I slipped my blade back into my pocket, he did too. I was trying to size him up… _

_His hair was black and his eyes were a sharp, dark blue. He looked like a wimp, he was tall and scrawny. His legs were to long for the rest of him and he wore thick square glasses._

_Oh great a nerd with a blade… I smirked _

"_The name's Dallas, Dallas Winston." I said loud and clear._

"_Tim Shepard" his voice was quite but had something that made you listen to him. _

"_You new in town?" he asked me._

"_Yeah, I just moved here today. How old are you?" _

"_Eleven, how old are you?"_

"_Ten"_

"_You look awful little to be ten…"_

_I wasn't that short, he was just to tall to be eleven! Plus, I hadn't had a lot to eat the last two years. It made me mad as fire for him to point that out though._

"_Maybe you are just to tall!" I said anger in my voice_

"_No you are little, kid! A shrimp even!"_

_That was the last straw, I tackled him. Those years of fighting in New York played in my mind, by the time they had stopped I was surprised I hadn't knocked him out._

_I helped him up. I had broken his glasses and gave him a black eye. His lip was bleeding; I was thinking he would need stiches. I was proud, I fought great. He would never insult me again._

Yeah right! He will pick a fight whenever he wants now.

_Then I started checking for damages. I wasn't that bad off; I had a few bruises and some cuts and scrapes. I was just fine._

"_I'll see you around" he nodded and I walked away from the tracks. I decided to try and find that old lot where the kid was sitting in earlier._

_It was big and open, and I found an old football in the grass. I lay on an old car bench looking up at the big night sky._

_The black sheet was covered in blazing white stars. I always wanted to know what was up there._

_Dad told me to remember I was smart, what he didn't realize is I didn't care if I ever went back to school. What was the point? I had missed so much in the two years I was gone that I would be stuck in a younger class anyway!_

_I heard someone walk up behind me. I got my blade out again, how many people were going to mess with me!_

_I turned around; it was that kid that was sitting out here earlier…_

"_Who are you?!" I ask him sharply. _

_He gulped,_

"_My name's Johnny. Look man, I don't want any trouble." He said seeing the blade in my hand._

_I put my blade back in my pocket, even if he tried to fight me I could take him._

"_I'm Dallas Winston" I said loud and proud,_

"_It's cold enough to see your breath out here…" he mumbled_

"_Yeah, so?" it had been colder in New York_

"_Ain't you cold?!" he said shocked at my response._

"_No I'm from up north, it's been colder."_

"_Oh" and he fell silent again._

"_Johnny, are you out here?" I heard a cheerful man's voice say in the dark,_

"_Yeah Mr. C I'm out here, but I'm not by myself!" Johnny said looking at me, he grinned._

"_Who's with you?!" he answered sounding shocked._

"_Dallas Winston!"_

"_I don't know a Dallas Winston; is he a friend of yours?"_

"_I don't know I just met him tonight! Can he come out of the cold too?"_

_Man this kid talks a lot, what a chatterbox!_

I busted out laughing, Johnny Cade a chatterbox! Just wait till you meet Two Bit Matthews! In Dally's defense, Johnny talked a lot more when mom and dad were alive.

"_Sure, our door is open anytime you or Dallas need it!"_

_I don't even know this guy and he is opening his door for me?! He is crazy…_

"_Come on Dallas, it's to cold to stay out here!" he pleaded._

"_Fine, where are we even going kid?!" I grumbled, but I wasn't going to miss being chilly._

"_To the Curtis house and I'm not a kid, I'm nine years old!"_

"_Well I'm ten, so that makes you a kid to me!"_

"Pony let's go to bed, I've got work in the morning!" Soda yelled coming in from the living room.

I put my marker in the notebook, said goodnight to Soda and went to sleep.

**Tim Shepard is the winner! He had seven votes, Johnny had three. Hope y'all enjoyed it! I would like five more reviews before he meets the rest of the gang **

**: )**

**If you reviewed in past chapters, Thanks so much y'all are awesome!**

**Outsidersfanlovesdally **


	7. Meeting the guys

**I don't own the Outsiders!**

Chapter 7- meeting the guys

I was woken up by Soda and Steve pillow fighting in the hallway outside. They were making the biggest racket; it was like trying to sleep through a tornado! I got up, got dressed and went outside. Two Bit was watching Mickey Mouse again and Darry was putting his tool belt on.

"Morning Darry!"

"Morning Pone, how did you sleep?" I knew he was asking if I had nightmares, but I didn't. I had a dream about Dally…

I saw a young Dallas Winston and a young Johnny Cade walking in our front door. Johnny was excited to be home, but Dally looked… stiff, like he doesn't know how to react with all of us. Then he saw my mom…

It had gone black after that, now I get to see what he was thinking that day. The day we all met Dallas Winston.

I ran back to my room to get the notebook. I wonder what he thought of me.

_While me and Johnny were walking to Mr. Curtis's house, I was thinking about these guys that Johnny kept talking about._

"_Hey Dallas, when we get there you can meet the guys! There are five of us, six if you count me. I'm warning you the Curtis brothers have some original names!" He had been talking my ear off, and I wondered if they were all this loud. _

_I guess it was time to find out; Mr. Curtis swung open the door and walked in. I followed after Johnny and it looked like a mad house in there._

_The first one to notice me was a tall, red headed guy. He had been yelling about a pony to younger kid when we came in. He said hey to Johnny then turned to me._

"_Hey Blondie!" he grinned, I growled and he backed up._

"_Did you bring a friend or a dog Johnnycake?!" he asked him_

"_Aw lay off Two Bit, he's new in town!" Johnny told him angrily_

"_Where you from, stranger?!"_

"_New York, and the name's Dallas"_

"_Two Bit Matthews" we shook hands for a brief moment, then a lady walked up beside him._

"_Hi I'm Mrs. Curtis, but you can call me Mrs.C" then she saw my bruises and the scraps on my hands and face._

"_Are you okay sweetie?" she ask worriedly._

_I felt nervous, this lady I just met cared more about me than my own family…_

He was nervous that mom cared?! Well, no one had before I guess…

"_I'm fine, Mrs. C" and tried to ignore the feeling of being wanted. She smiled,_

"_Well alright, hey Dallas I want you to know that my door is always open. You are welcome to stay here if you want for a night or two. If you can get Steve to move off the couch that is…" she grinned_

"_Hey, he isn't going to take my spot no way!" a curly haired kid that I'm guessing is Steve shouted._

"_You can sleep in Darrel's chair if you like."_

"_I think I will just go home." I said turning to the doorway._

"_Are you sure, I've got supper ready?"_

_My stomach growled at the wrong time, she laughed and said_

"_I guess it's decided then! We are having chicken but I can fix you something else if you like."_

"_Chicken is fine."_

"_Can you help me with something Darry?" she asked. _

_A young teen with blue-green eyes stood up. I could tell he was Mr. Curtis's son, they looked like. _

_I don't know what she said but when Darry came out he went and got all the guys in a line. Shoulder to shoulder oldest to youngest it looked like._

"_Dallas I'm Darry Curtis." We shook hands and he continued, _

"_I'm thirteen and I like sports, most importantly football." He grinned I nodded. He pointed to the next guy in line,_

Oh I remember this! Mom made Darry introduce us and we said how old we were and what we liked to do! Mom said it would let him know if he had anything in common with us. I didn't think it worked…

_Keith Matthews, but everyone calls me Two Bit. We already met; I crack jokes all the time! Everyone needs a good laugh, even you Blondie!" He said as I narrowed my eyes at the name. I hoped it wouldn't stick._

It did, we called Dal Blondie for a few weeks after that. Then he beat Two Bit to a pulp and we stopped. Every once and a while, when Dally was in a good mood Two Bit would push his luck and call him that again. Dallas would put him in a headlock and mess up his hair, but that was it. He had gotten over it, and I think he kind of liked being teased a little bit.

_He pointed down the line, just like Darry had done. I was starting to think Mrs. C had put them up to this._

"_Steve Randle, I'm ten." He was my age, I just nodded. "I like school and watching racecars on T.V." _

Steve had always loved cars, watching them, working on them, and driving them it was in his blood. As he got older (and the greaser/soc feud got worse) Steve got where he hated school. Mom made him stay until he graduated; he had his diploma hanging in a frame in his room. He was proud, he just wouldn't say it.

"_I'm Sodapop Curtis; I'm fixing to be ten!" So he was a little younger than me. "I'm Darry's kid brother and Steve's best buddy!" they did a little handshake with each other, I grinned. _

"_So he can smile!" Two Bit yelled and turned to Johnny. _

"_Hey Dal, we met first but I'm Johnny Cade. I'm nine, and me and Pony are buddies. I like going to the movies."_

_Dal… I like it. It's like Dally but shorter. Johnny seems like an alright kid, I will have to take him to a movie sometime._

_I looked at the kid beside Johnny; he had carried the book he was reading over to the line. He had been reading all the way thru the introductions._

_I coughed and he looked up at me,_

"_Oh I'm Ponyboy, seven years old and I like to read."_

"_Yeah I noticed" I said and he grinned up at me._

"_Look who has a sense of humor! How come they can get you to crack a joke and smile, but I can't!" Two Bit whinnied._

"_Because you are annoying me" I turned my back but at the corner of my eye I saw him stick his tongue out at me. I was just about to start a fight when Mrs. C called us to come eat dinner. _

I just remembered my drawing of Dal; I kept it in my copy of 'Gone with the Wind'. Right between the pages where it talks about the southern men being gallant. The part where Johnny said it reminded him of Dallas.

I picked it up and looked at the face of the blonde hair cold-blue eyed boy I used to think that I knew.

He was just a scared kid that turned hard because he had too.

"You really miss them, don't you Pony." I turned to see Soda standing in the doorway. The notebook had fallen on the ground. Soda still didn't know about it, the question was did I want him to…

**Okay that is the question,**

** Should the gang know about Dallas's notebook, or should it stay a secret with Pony? Please Review :)**

**Stay gold,**

** Outsidersfanlovesdally**


	8. Breakdown

Chapter 8

_**I don't own the outsiders! **_

Soda didn't see the notebook on the floor. I told Soda everything; but this wasn't mine to share. Dallas's inner thoughts and memories, things I shouldn't know about were not mine to tell; even if it was Soda. I was too late though; he had seen me staring at the black notebook on the ground by my foot. He had come and picked it up.

He wasn't reading it, just looking at the page. When he handed it back to me, I could see why. There were no words on the page…

The image on the back was so precisely drawn, I felt like I was there.

The darkness of the night sky being cut by the light of what seemed like a million stars. The glowing full moon illumining the tall skyscrapers and cold streets of New York City; Dally had been so light and dainty with the pencil that I would have laughed if it hadn't been so beautiful.

Dallas could have been an artist, he could have been famous. I remembered his dad telling him the same thing before they moved here.

This was his hidden talent; seeing and recreating darkness. Drawing it in a way where it wasn't so scary, not so bad; because even though it was dark, there were always bright stars.

"Ponyboy, this is amazing. You are a great artist, is this why I've seen you with this notebook?!" he asked me.

Well this is Dallas work and I have been looking at Dallys work…

"Yeah, it is! I'm glad you like it!" I lied to him with a smile,

"But, I'm still working on it…"

"I'll leave you to it then, but tell me when you're done!" he said as he was shutting the door.

"I will" and turned back to the notebook. If Soda had looked closer at the bottom left corner, he would have seen the name and the date.

It was written in the same elegant cursive handwriting that my mom used. She had taught us how to write in cursive; Dallas looked like he got the majority of it. Even Darry still used print most of the time. The whole story Dally had written was in cursive, just like the stuff my mom wrote.

I knew he cared about mom, I would go far enough to say he love her. I wonder what he thought about her, besides being nervous that she cared about him…

_Dinner was great, but I wouldn't be staying. Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were wonderful people; they didn't need to be worried about a worthless, good-for-nothing hood like me._

I was starting to notice how low Dallys self-esteem really was. Everyone he had known up to this point had called him these awful things and he seemed to believe it was true. He acted so sure of his self and so confident all the time that we just thought it didn't bother him.

Seeing how he really felt changed my image of him. He went from being so much like a tough New York street hood, to being a hardened kid that thought no one cared about him. He was pushed into a way of thinking that he was nothing but a rotten kid, so that's what he became; a rotten kid.

_They had all these guys to look out for that they didn't need to watch me. I knew by the last names and the way they were acting, those other three boys Steve, Two Bit, and Johnny were real close friends of the family. _

They were our family!

_ I told everybody that I was headed home, and they responded with a group see you later. All except Mrs. C. She stood up and got an old work coat out of another room and had me put it over the old T-shirt I had been wearing. _

_Then she did something I never got used to…_

_She gave me a hug._

_ She gave me a hug and reminded me that I could stay in the house. I refused and she let me leave. I didn't go home, the deep pain my dad had caused replayed over in my mind again. I went back to the lot and lay back onto the car bench, looking at the stars…_

_ When I woke up, I was disoriented. I fell asleep looking at the sky, and woke up under an old fan hanging from the ceiling. Someone had moved me; I was back in the Curtis house. _

_ I sat up as Mrs. C walked in with a plate of pancakes. I asked her how I got back here; she told me that she had a feeling I was not good and woke Darrel up. _

_They walked to the lot, to find me covered in icy dew shivering. She continued telling me about how he picked me up and carried me back here._

_ I was sleepwalking when I walked in to take a hot shower and put on some borrowed pajamas. I walked over and lay on the couch and then sat up while she had put a pillow behind my head. She covered me up, kissed the top of my head, said goodnight. She went to bed happy knowing I was okay._

_ By that time I was bright red, embarrassed at how much I had been babied._

Oh how I wish I had a picture of that; Dallas Winston so embarrassed that he was red faced! My mom had embarrassed him, the hardest person on earth to embarrass. I chuckled then went back to reading…

_ I tried to calm down, and asked where the other guys were. She said they were at school, and asked me if she needed to call in sick for me. I replied_

"_No, you don't need to I'm not registered and I don't want to go to school anyway!"_

"_Okay Dallas, you don't have to sign up today but you are ten and you will be in school next week."_

"_Mrs. Curtis, I'm not going back to school I want you to get that. I'm not one of your boys; I didn't go to school every day in New York."_

"_Dallas, you are one of my boys. You have been since the moment you walked thru my door. You are the same age as Soda. No one has gone to school every day they were supposed to, but that's fine. By the way, I cleaned up the cuts on your knuckles from the fight you were in recently." She said with a pointed look._

"_You caught me; I got in a fight with a kid before I met Johnny."_

"_Did you catch his name?"_

"_Shepard, the nerd's last name was Shepard"_

"_Tim Shepard; he is a wild child alright" she replied with a sigh_

"_Seemed like a nerd to me…"_

"_You know you still have to go to school."_

"_You don't get it do you?!" I said frustrated at her,_

"_I had more important things to do with my time then go to school! My dad kicked me out after calling me 'The worst mistake of his life'!_

_I was living on the streets at the age of seven! I fought all the time with and without street gangs! Most of the time I ate stuff that I found in trash cans outside of diners! _

_I don't have anyone! It's me verses the world, all the time! _

_NO BODY CARES, SO WHY SHOULD I?!" I screamed and the whole room went silent. In this instance I had told this woman that I had known for two days, everything bad that I had ever gone through. She was going to kick me out for sure…_

I was mad, that he had yelled at my mom. But at the same time, I was glad he told someone and that he trusted mom with his story.

I knew they were close, but now I knew why. Mom was the only one who knew Dallas's backstory.

_But she didn't she just sat down on the couch, and motioned for me to sit down beside her. I did and she put her arm around me and pulled me closer to her. Then she whispered the thing I always wanted to hear…_

"_Dallas, I love you and I care. You are not a mistake. You are an amazing kid. It's not you verses the world anymore honey, because I'm fighting it for you. Stay here as long as you want, I have the room." _

_I just nodded, turning my head the other way as she walked out of the room. I didn't want her to see the single tear slide down my face before I wiped it off with the edge of my hand._

…_._

…_._

So Dally hadn't forgotten how to cry after all…

**(Sigh) That was difficult to write… Please let me know if I did okay with this, by leaving a review. Thanks to all who reviewed in the past!**


	9. New places

Chapter 9- new places

**I don't own the Outsiders!**

_After the deal with Mrs. C, I needed to get out of the house._

_As I was walking down the street, I heard some corny country music. I turned and followed the sound, and it lead me to an old building. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. _

_Someone must have heard me because the door flew open reveling a man; well, more an overgrown boy really. He was tall and lanky; with buck teeth. He had blonde wavy hair that was way to long (almost touching his shoulders) and bright green eyes. He wore a flannel shirt that was big on him and dusty blue jeans with long cowboy boots._

There was only one person that would fit that description, Buck Merril. He was a lot older that Dallas, I think he would be about eight years older.

"_This ain't a place for kids squirt" he said to me, in a slow southern drawl. Man, I hope I never get that accent!_

You will, I thought. He had a weird mix of Southern and New York accents, the longer he was around Buck the more hick he sounded.

"_Well it's a good thing I'm not a kid then" I replied smoothly and he just laughed,_

"_What's your name kid?" he asked_

"_I thought I just told you, I'm not a kid! My name's Dallas, who are you?" I asked._

"_Well, the name is Philip Jr. but everyone calls me Buck!" he said, shaking my hand._

"_I can see why…" I mumbled, looking at his long ugly front teeth._

"_You going to stand out there all day, or are you gonna come in?!" he asked, holding the door open._

_I walked in behind him, revealing a big open room. It had plain dirt colored carpet and a few of the bulbs in the lights were busted. There was a big pool table in the middle of the room and a jukebox in the corner. _

_It was still playing that awful cowpoke country that could get on anyone's nerves._

"_Turn that off will ya? It's driving me crazy!" I yelled to Buck, surprisingly he did what I asked. _

"_You don't like Hank Williams?! You must be the only one from Texas that doesn't!"_

"_I'm not from Texas, I came from New York."_

"_How could they name you Dallas, and not be from Texas! Your parents must have been out of their minds!" he shouted surprised._

_You have no idea…_

"_You ever rode a horse, Dallas?" he asked, shaking me out of my daze._

"_No, have you?"_

"_Shoot kid, I own them!" he said with a grin. "I could teach you, if ya want!"_

"_I want to see you ride first."_

"_Deal; there's a rodeo in town in tomorrow, be there."_

"_I will" _

"_Hey kid, you've got to get, the cops are coming to check this place out and I don't want you to get hauled in before the rodeo!"_

"_What would I get hauled in for?!"_

"_Minor in a drinking facility" I told me._

"_What?"_

"_A kid being in a bar!" he said frustrated _

"_That isn't a crime!" I argued_

"_Tell that to the cops, now scram!" he yelled as he pushed me out the back door and out on the street._

_I walked away from Buck's bar, and guess who I ran into…_

_The nerd, what was his name again? Tim?_

"_Long time no see, Timmy!" I said in an overly cheerful voice_

That was a bad move; the last guy that called him Timmy ended up in the hospital. He would only let his sister and mom call him that, but even then it annoyed him.

_I heard him growl and I smirked, I wanted a fight and I was getting him mad enough._

_He had taped up his glasses, since I broke them. He would look like a real threat if he didn't wear them all the time. _

_Of course, I couldn't be scared of him; you beat a guy once, you can beat him a thousand times!_

"_You know, Timmy it's not polite to growl at people." I waved my finger at him in a scolding way. _

_That did it; he came barreling in to me, fists flying, knocking me into the wall. I felt a good adrenaline rush come over me and I knew I was going to win this fight._

"_You little punk, I'm going to pound you in to next week!" He shouted at me while still landing solid punches to my upper body._

_I kept blocking then I thought of something, _

"_Hey Timmy, you want to know something?" blocking the steady stream of punches aimed at my rib cage._

"_What?!" he shouted in my ear drum,_

"_You punch like a girl!" I laughed at his face, he was as red as an apple and you could almost see steam coming out of his ears. I wasn't paying attention to the hard punch aimed at the left side of my head. _

_When it connected, it felt as hard as a cinder block and I couldn't stop myself from fading into black. Before I did I could have promised I heard Tim say…_

"_Well I can hit hard enough to knock you out, Winston!"_

_When I woke up, I had somehow gotten back to the Curtis house again._

"_What, how did I get here?!" I ask trying to sit up._

"_Mom, Blondie's awake!" I heard pony shout, I was going to kill Matthews for that nickname!_

"_Dallas, what happened?!" Mrs. C asked me._

"_I'm fine Mrs. C, I just got in a little fight is all" trying to calm her down,_

"_How did I get back here?!" I asked her_

"_Tim Shepard carried you over here, and said something about he couldn't leave a pal in the gutter. Are you friends with him Dallas?" she said seriously_

"_Yeah, I guess I am…"_

"_Do I need to ask him who you were fighting?!" she said with a pointed look._

"_I was fighting him." _

**Reviews are welcome and appreciated :) Thanks to all who reviewed in the past, and any ideas will also be welcomed :)**


	10. A picture's worth a thousand words

Chapter 10- A picture's worth a thousand words...

**I don't own the Outsiders! **

_"I was fighting him."_

_"Dallas, I thought you just said y'all are friends?! What was the fight about?" she asked worriedly_

_"Well, we were fighting for fun then I kind of..." I trailed off not wanting to insult her._

_"You kind of what Dallas?" she said, pushing me to continue_

_"I told him that he hits like a girl and he knocked me out to prove me wrong. We are still friends though." I said in a rush,_

_"Dallas, you know that's not a nice thing to say, and I don't like you getting in fights. I don't know if Tim Shepherd is a good friend to keep..." she said,_

_"Come on Mrs. C, I fought all the time in New York! It's a good way to blow off steam and it's better to fight a friend than someone who will really try to hurt you!" I tried to make her understand, but it was hard._

_How do explain to someone a friendship built on beating each other up and still being friends? I hardly understand it myself, but it works. Tim Shepherd and I are friends. The first friend I made in Tulsa…_

I forgot Dallas didn't think of us as friends at this point. He was just a mean guy that hung around our house; we didn't really know him yet.

_"Not try to hurt you, he knocked you out in the street Dallas! What do you call hurting you?!" she said tired of the conversation_

_"At least he brought me back here, most people wouldn't have…" I muttered_

_"If he hadn't knocked you out, you could have walked back here. You need to take a shower, and wash your hair. You can borrow a pair of Soda's pajamas." She said._

_I hated being told what to do, but I wasn't going to argue with her. I kinda like having someone care, it's nice. _

I just about died laughing; Soda had said the same thing about being in love! I was getting kind of tired of reading, then I thought of something...

I flipped to the back of the notebook; maybe he had drawn more than the night sky.

I was right, I started at the back and went forward through the drawings. I was amazed at the accuracy, I thought I was the only one to look for details.

He had drawn quite a lot, everything was clear like it was a photo instead of a drawing.

We were all here, all the gangs portrats and one as group. I continued to find a drawing of Tim Shepard and another of Buck Merrill. He had also drawn his race horse, and the lot.

The next picture supprised me; when I flipped the page, I was starring at the red hair and green eyes of Cherry Valence. It was the only one in color, and (so far) the only one of a girl. I heard Dally's voice in my mind,

"_you think she might like me a little bit..._"

You could've had her idiot, but no you just had to go get yourself shot!

Trying to calm down, I turned to the next page. If he hadn't labled it, I never would would have guessed...

Jessie Russel Dale and Eddie, after that was a picture of mom and dad. He got them perfect; dad was grinning ear to ear, holding a football and looking at my mom in her cooking apron.

Dallas had a great memory...

**Hey, **

**I'm sorry it took forever to update. I had major writers block for this chapter, so I hope it turned out okay! **

**All reviews and ideas are welcomed and** **appreciated :) Thanks to those that reviewed in the past, y'all are awesome! **


	11. This is my first rodeo

Chapter 11- this is my first rodeo

**Y'all know I don't own the Outsiders!**

_I woke up and got dressed today would be my first rodeo. I walked out the front door and headed over to Bucks place. When I got there I saw that kid, Sodapop talking to Buck. I walked over to them and nodded at Soda he returned it with a warm grin. _

"_Hey Dally guess what?!" he said excited_

"_What." I said my voice plain and flat_

"_I'm going to get to ride in the rodeo tonight! Me and Mickey Mouse are doing youth barrel racing! We are going to win too!"_

"_Barrel racing is for girls' man!" I said_

"_No its not!"_

"_Yes it is"_

"_NO its not, how many rodeos have you been to smart Alex?"_

"_This is my first one, but I know what I'm talking about!"_

_At that Buck turned to me and looked puzzled,_

"_You have never been to a rodeo Dally?!"_

"_Nope, we had them in New York but I didn't bother to go"_

_He grinned wide showing his big teeth again, I wish somebody would just knock them out of his head!_

I always wondered who knocked his teeth out…

"_Well let's go, its starting!" he yelled and fast walked into the stables behind the arena._

"_Dally this is Midnight. He's the fastest wildest horse I own! He would win big in the races if I could find somebody to jockey for me."_

_I looked at the massive black beast in the stall in front of me. I knew I would be his jockey someday; we were two of a kind. When he turned to look at Buck he found me staring, and I think he knew it too._

"_I could be your jockey…" I mumbled to him, but Buck heard me and started chuckling_

"_You have got to know how to ride before you can jockey. If you get good at riding and you get a little older, I might hire you kid!" _

"_I told you, my name is Dally not kid."_

"_Sorry, Dally"_

_I turned back to Midnight, but kept talking to Buck_

"_Are you going to ride him in the rodeo?"_

"_No he is too mean; he won't let me put a saddle on him…"_

"_Well maybe you just got to show him whose boss"_

"_I can't"_

"_Why not?!"_

"_Because he is the boss, not me"_

_I turned and looked up at him _

"_The rider is the boss, he is the one in the saddle; if you say go left the horse has to go left. If you say jump, he jumps he will do anything is the rider tells him to!"_

"_You have a lot to learn Dallas. To be a good rider you have to really trust your horse. You can't force him into anything; they are stubborn and hardheaded, they won't think twice about throwing you off or kicking you. _

_Sometimes you say go left and the horse says 'forget you I'm headed right'. You say jump the horse says 'I'm staying on the ground'. It's not about force it's all about trust! You trust your horse to jump on command and go where you want to, but you can't force them to do anything… _

_Dally, get in the stands my event is coming up next and I want you to watch."_

_I nodded and got up to the stands quick. I listened as Buck was called…_

"_Are first trick rider of the night is none other than Mister Philip Jr.! His is riding a crowd favorite, Cherokee__Storm!" _

_The horse buck was riding was a real dark brown with white patches and black hair. I watched wide eyed as he did amazing stunts as the horse ran fast. But what really shocked me was the ending. Buck was standing on his hands as Cherokee stood in the center of the ring. The room was quite for a moment, then erupted with applause and screams of 'way to go!' and 'yee-haw!' _

_I wouldn't dare admit that I clapped and screamed as much as the rest of them. I knew I was going to be a jockey one day, and Midnight was my horse._

I grinned, Dally did love that horse. Too bad they had to sell Mickey Mouse, Dally and Soda could have been good rodeo partners…

I quickly hid the book when Two Bit came busting in yelling something about needing to watch a new episode of his favorite show tonight and that his mom wouldn't change her Soap Opera this time.

Midnight and Dallas would have a good time together; I was just excited about him learning how to ride.

That was one of a lot of memories I had with Dally, but it was one of the best ones…

**Please review! Thanks to all who reviewed in the past, it really means a lot! :)**


	12. Learning to ride, and I'm finally home

**I don't own the Outsiders but Midnight and Snowflake are mine! **

That was one of a lot of memories I had with Dally, but it was one of the best ones…

_After the rodeo, Buck loaded up all of his horses and took them back to the stables. Buck placed first and Soda placed third. I had talked Buck into teaching me how to ride; he would teach me for free if I kept the stalls clean and the horses watered._

_I showed up the next day in my cowboy boots, jeans, flannel shirt and hat. I knew Soda would be there, but I wasn't expecting Pony to follow along._

_Soda's horse, Mickey Mouse, was mean but Midnight was meaner. He couldn't be kept with the other horses; he would really hurt them._

_I was trying to clean stalls and watch Soda ride at the same time. He looked like he was having the time of his life, and I yearned to ride too._

The more I read the more I realized, Dallas had a good vocabulary other than his vast knowledge of cuss words...

_I was in luck, just about that time Buck sauntered up and told me to followed him. He led me to a stall that was holding an older white mare. I looked at the name on the gate; Snowflake was her name. There was no way I would ride a such girly horse, it was embarrassing!_

_It's was too late, Buck had alright saddled her and was telling me how to saddle up. I did that fine so he taught me how to keep balance on the saddle. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be._

_I didn't know until later that Pony was drawing me from a distance. I really thought it was good, but I had to complain because I didn't want that girly horse and me to look like pals._

_Midnight was my horse, I just had to learn how to ride before I could get him._

So it was the horse he didn't like in my drawing! Good thing I didn't throw it away...

I went to go grab it but Two Bit and Steve were wrestling in the hallway. I took them by surprise and I pinned Two Bit. After I joined, Steve didn't want to wrestle. Oh well, I thought as I grabbed my drawing box from Soda's old room. With both me and Soda in one room there is hardly enough space, so we keep stuff in here.

I opened the lid and pulled out that old drawing. Dally was sitting tall in the saddle on Snowflake. I thought about erasing it and drawing him sitting on Midnight instead; but didn't want to. Dallas had drawn Midnight a lot of times, but there would only be this one of him and Snowflake.

So I brought it to my room and put inside Dally's notebook, right by the drawing of Midnight.

I was beginning to feel a tiny bit better. Things would never be the same without Johnny and Dallas, but things would get better all it takes is time...

_Soda was grinning ear to ear, he had a great ride today. I was wore out, I had to work before I was learning how to ride and both are exhausting._

_That's why I'm glad Mr. C came and I could ride with him and Soda back to their house. Dinner was ready when we walked in; we were having chicken cassaroll, green beans and mashed potatos. _

_Mrs. C told me to just call her Lucy now, she said Mrs. C is to formal. I made sure the guys did see the small smile I gave her. _

_For the first time in well, I guess the first time ever, I felt like I was home. _

_I glanced at the calender, I had two weeks and four days till I turned eleven..._

**Yay Dallas's first birthday with the gang is coming up! If y'all have any ideas on how it should go, just leave a review or you can PM me :) **

**Thanks to all the wonderful people who have reviewed in the past!**

**Stay gold,**

**Outsidersfanlovesdally**


	13. Chapter 13- Birthday Boy

_The two weeks and four days pasted by quickly; I worked, took a shower, then went to bed. With a few punches in Shepherd's direction now and then._

_On the night before my birthday, I for whatever reason, went back to my dad's house to crash._

_It wasn't like I wanted him to notice, I gave up hope for that a long time ago, so I settled on the idea that I didn't want to bother the Curtis's that night._

_I woke up and just when I was getting ready to head out, dad walked in. I felt my body tense and my hands starting to cover my face; protecting me from blows that weren't coming._

_I had to remind myself that this person standing in front of me was, for now, completely sober and he wasn't swinging at me._

Poor kid, he had been beat so much, that he was always ready for the fist to come flying...

_What he did next, shocked and sickened me; he pulled out his wallet, and handed me enough for a birthday cake._

_My mind flashed back to my eighth birthday; He beat me, called me a mistake, and kicked me out, just because I took some money for a birthday cake._

_I lived on the street, starved, got in fights, joined gangs..._

_I went to jail because I wanted a birthday cake, and my dad didn't give a hang about me._

_I stared at the bills in my hand, I hated him, but that wasn't a good enough reason to not take the money. I pocketed it, and then left._

_I didn't want to admit it but I heard the soft 'Happy Birthday' before the door slammed behind me._

At least he remembered...

_I said I never told anyone, I didn't say they didn't find out; it was on my school records, Mrs., I mean Lucy signed me up for classes anyway._

_When I walked into the Curtis home that afternoon, I was surprised.  
A Birthday sign hung above the table and there were balloons scattered on the floor._

_I heard movement in the kitchen and walled in. Everyone jumped out and yelled surprise, I had gotten used to living on the street so instead of being excited whipped out my blade. Once I realized what was going on quickly pocketed it._

I remember that year, we learned not to sneak up on Dally anymore...

_Needless to say Lucy and Mr. C were shocked at my reaction. She almost dropped the birthday cake that she was holding in her hands._

_It was covered in beautiful icing and 'Happy Birthday Dallas' was written on the top of it. Eleven candles perfectly placed fit on the top too._

_Lucy made me sit down at the table, the guys sang loud and way off key, and I blew out the candles._

_Why was this a big deal to them, I just got older. I think they just liked throwing parties..._

They are a big deal! Mom was trying to make it special, but I guess he just didn't get it.

_We moved into the living room, and my ears got warm when I had to ask if the gifts were for me. No one had bothered to get me anything before..._

Oh yeah, we thought he was joking, he was the only person who had never got presents on his birthday. We had been throwing party's for Johnny for a while, even he got excited... I didn't didn't know we embarrassed him.

_Two Bit started jumping up and down and yelling 'open mine first!' so just to shut him up I did. It was poorly wrapped in newpaper, but I was stunned to pull out a new pocket knife. He told me he was practicing; he had his eye on a switchblade at the hardware store. _

Well, he must have needed a lot of practice, because he didn't get that blade till he was fifteen. He was twelve at Dally's party... If I remember right, Dally helped him steal it.

_Lucy and Darrel put a box in front of me. It was beautifully wrapped in real gift wrap and had a homemade red bow on top. I looked up at her and gave a half grin, I have never gotten a gift like that..._

_My ears tinted pink when I lifted the new jacket and shirt out of the box for everyone to see. It was blue jean, but it would be warm in the November wind. It fit good and made me look stronger than I was._

_Johnny tried to give me his pack of smokes, but I wouldn't take them. He didn't have much, so he needed to keep what he had._

_Darry gave me his old football; it was wore out, but I could tell it meant a lot to him. _

_I don't know how they did it, but Soda and Steve put there money together and got me a new lighter. It was nice, but I liked using matches. I put it my back pocket for safe keeping._

I dug threw the box and I found that silver lighter again. He kept it all these years. I wonder what he did with my gift...

_Next Pony handed me a piece of paper; It was a picture of me and the guys going to the movies. I decided it was a good idea, so we went. _

_Guess who I ran into when we got there,_

_Tim, and somehow he found out it was my birthday. He offered me a smoke and a position as second in command of a street gang he was putting together._

_I took the smoke, and turned down the position. I wasn't going to let Tim Shepard boss me around, and besides, I had my own gang..._

_My own family_

Dally turned down the Shepard gang for us, I didn't know he cared that was loyal to the core, and he had are backs...

Dallas Winston thought we were family, just that thought made me grin.

**And that was his Birthday! What do y'all think? Please review and thanks to past reviewers! :) ****  
**


	14. Chapter 14- it was loaded

**Y'all know I don't own the Outsiders!**

**Chapter 14- it was loaded...**

(Before this story- Dallas P.O.V.)

Buck was making me switch rooms when I found my old jour… I mean notebook. It was covered in dust and I laughed at the things I had written. It had been so long since I wrote anything, how do I explain the past six years of my life.

I guess it couldn't hurt to try. I picked up a pen, turned to the next blank page from my last entry and started using the handwriting Lucy taught me…

(Ponyboy P.O.V- in the present)

After dinner I needed to read my book for school, but I saw Dallas's notebook and I couldn't help myself. He left the bottom of the page blank, which never happened before. So I flipped it over to the back of the page…

_I found this old notebook again; I hid it after my eleventh birthday, because I would be a murder if someone found this…_

_Okay that wasn't funny after Johnny, but he didn't mean to do it. That Soc was asking for it! If anyone finds this I'm done for, but they are safe. I sent them to the old church in Windrixville. It's far enough away that the cops won't look, but close enough for me to visit them in a few days._

NO, he skipped to much that's not fair! This is the part I didn't want to read, the pain from their deaths was still fresh. Still what were his thoughts during our stay in Windrixville?

_I guess I should put some stuff in here about me._

Ya think it's your journal!

_I met my serious on and off girlfriend, Sylvia, a few weeks after I turned thirteen. She was a very pretty girl, but as she got older she started acting like all the other girls around here._

_I knew her longer and better than any of the other guys she dated. We had been dating on and off for years she would cheat and I would cheat on her to get her back._

_I knew how I felt about her; I just had to make sure she wouldn't tell anyone else. I was sixteen when I took her to the back of the vacant lot and I gave her my necklace, the same one my mom gave me._

_She was shocked but gladly accepted. I made her promise before I told her how I really felt…_

"_Syl I need to tell you something, it's real important but you have got to promise me that you would tell anyone else."_

_Her green eyes spark… I mean she looked me straight in the eye._

"_I promise Dallas"_

_Then I said some really sappy stuff that she liked, but it didn't mean anything cause I found out later she had been hang out with Shepherd. _

_Okay listen, I'm not a kid anymore. I don't look at the little stuff and I don't really care about anything anymore. If Pony were here he would say that I just need to write and not try to cover up everything…_

_Pony is not here, and I just can't write like that anymore. There is Pony telling me to just wing it, I don't how this will work but if it gets to deep I could always burn this stupid thing…_

He thought of me when he got stuck, but he right, I would have told him to keep going. I'm so glad he didn't let it go up in flames.

_I can't describe how she looked that night. The full moon was up and it was giving her a glow that looked like a halo over her long dark hair. I always like her bright green eyes, but when she looked at me that night I knew I was in love with her. _

Whoa, I knew he liked her but I didn't know he felt like that! He already knew she was a cheat, but he had cheated too…

_I just had to tell her, but it was difficult._

"_Listen, we have known each other for a real long time. I mean, I care about you! I just…" man this was hard._

It's not that hard, just tell her!

"_Dallas, I care about you too you can tell me anything!"_

"_I'm in love with you." _

Finally! So that's why he was happy-go-lucky all that time… He didn't mind his old nickname coming back in to use and he grinned more; mom made a comment about how his ocean eyes were a lot nicer than his icy ones.

"_I love you too." She said with a wide smile, but she lied._

_I was reminded again why I didn't trust people. She broke my heart when I saw her kissing Shepard in Buck's a few weeks later. _

The poor guy admits how he feels and she doesn't even care! I wonder if he still felt that way…

_I don't love her anymore, she can only cheat so much, and we are through for good. _

_I had more important things to worry about now. I had to get Johnny and Pony out of this mess; if I left now I could get there first thing in the morning. _

_I took the keys to the thunderbird and headed out. It's really early and I'm parked on the side of the road right outside of town. I guess the next big thing after Sylvia was something I would rather not talk about but it's important._

_Lucy and Darrel are gone. The only set of parents that cared about their kids, the only parents that cared about me, are dead. They were coming home from a picnic when they got hit by a train… I don't really want to talk about it…_

I thought about my mom and dad and how hard it hit Dallas when they died. He didn't stay over and he must have broken a record for the most times in and out of jail in three months.

My mom kept him off the street and out of trouble and when she died Dallas didn't know any other way to grieve. When he started coming around again, he was colder than ever before and it was like he had built up all of his old walls again.

He was also became extremely protective of me and Johnny and he didn't argue with Two Bit as much. I think he was just tired of losing people that he cared about.

He had lost his real mom, he lost Jessie, he lost his dad to alcohol, and he lost our mom and dad I think that's why Johnny's death hit him so hard; he couldn't handle losing his little brother too.

_I just picked the kids up from the church. Ponyboy's hair man, it's a joke. Him and Johnny don't fit the description in the paper anymore, that's for sure! Pony is a blonde and Johnny's haircut is as short as the kind they give in Juvy._

Of course he would see it as a juvy cut, we had seen him with one a time or two!

_I don't know why I'm still writing in this thing, but it's a way to sort my thoughts out. The guys are coming back from ordering lunch so I will have to put this up. _

_Of course they would get distracted by the sun setting. How do I tell them that I've been carrying a heater? I will just tell them it's not loaded, that will work as long as they don't see me taking the bullets out…_

What! He lied to us! I know for sure that the gun was not loaded when he pointed at the police. When they picked it up with gloves on to put it in the evidence locker they checked…

"Ponyboy! Do you want to come with me and Soda to the drag race?" Steve shouted, he had been nicer to me after everything happened.

"Sure, I'll come!"

"Then put your shoes on and let's go!"

I did what he asked and we left…

**Thanks to all the amazing people that have reviewed in the past! I would like to thank 7.06andcounting for help with this Chapter. Okay, we all know what happens next, but what will Dally think? Please read and review! ****:)**


	15. Chapter 15- The End

**I don't own the Outsiders!**

I found out Steve got extra money by fixing up the cars at the races. He took that same money to buy things for his own car. We had been out here for hours and he had already fixed five or six of the cars.

One guy blew his engine out and had paid Steve to push his car off the track. It wasn't a real track, just a real flat piece of highway where someone painted a start and end stripe.

Soda and I liked to watch the races, but Steve had motor oil and engine grease in his veins.  
He was as good of a driver as he was a mechanic.

Many of the other guys let Steve race there cars before. He usually won, no matter what he drove and tonight was no different. He won every race, except one.

He wasn't mad, or even upset, just tired. Soda got called in for the night shift, and Steve didn't even offer to go in for him.

Steve would never tell anyone, but we knew he had awful nightmares.

Unlike me he didn't scream or fight the blankets. He'd just lay there, his face would pale and it looked like he was hold back sobs. Other times he would wake himself up, tears streaming down his face in the early morning hours.

He would never, NEVER, cry durning the day; but at night he couldn't save himself from his dreams.

That's why in my theme, he wasn't included in the list of guys that had forgot how to cry. Because Steve hadn't forgot at all...

After we dropped Soda off at the DX we road back in silence.

Darry wasn't home when we got back so it was just me and Steve.

I went to my room and he fixed the couch up with blankets and a pillow, he was out like a light.

I tried real hard but I couldn't go to sleep.

There was Dally's notebook opened on my desk. I might as well finish it...

_Now they are distracted by something else! They get off track pretty easy, but it gives me time to write in this._

_Turns out Tim really did start that gang, and he named it after himself. They are the toughest gang around, not counting my own._

_Lucy did everything she knew how to do to keep me out of trouble, but it didn't work. My record is so thick it fills up a file cabinet down at the police station. Juvy didn't scare me anymore and I did try to break laws, just to annoy the cops._

_I didn't buy into the 'poor victim of society' stuff they kept shoving down our throats. I would go in an out of jail just to show them I wouldn't change._

_I did change a lot actually, but it wasn't because of jail. I stepped up after the Curtis parents died, as the protector of the kids in our little family._

_You wouldn't think a nearly eighteen year old guy would want to hang out with a sixteen year old and a fourteen year old, but I did._

_Johnny Cade really bugged me sometimes. I tried to keep him from his rotten good for nothing folks, but he still went back. He still cared, even if the feeling wasn't mutual._

_I looked at him and saw the kid I used to be. When I was young, I knew my step mom didn't like me. I wanted her to so bad, I wanted to have a mom._

You did, when you came here you had my mom...

_When she left and dad started drinking, I wondered what I did to be hit all the time. I would feel the glass break on to my back, and wonder if I did something to make him stop caring about me._

You didn't do anything wrong! I almost shouted out loud

_I still wanted my dad to love me, as much as I loved him!_

_I stopped caring when I realized, there was nothing I could do to change his mind about me._

_I started caring about me and only me when I was eight years old._

_I don't know why Johnny picked me of all people to look up to. It was really the other way around. Johnny kept fighting for a family that he wanted to have._

_He still cared._

I never thought of it that way. Johnny was fighting for his right to have a family.

_That was something I never wanted him to lose, his fighting spirt. I couldn't fight his parents without hurting him. I would never hurt Johnny Cade, he had been hurt to much already, and I wouldn't let anyone else hurt him either._

_In are little group you have best friends. Soda and Steve, Darry and Two Bit, Ponyboy and Johnny, and I guess you could count me and Shepard, the point is we come in pairs!_

_So when I started protecting Johnny I started protecting Pony too. I didn't mind at all._

Really?! I always thought I bugged him...

_I heard Pony call Johnny the gangs pet once, what he doesn't realize is, he is the baby._

I'm not a baby!

_Of course if we told him, he would deny it,_

I threw up my hands, its like he just heard me!

_but it was the truth. Everyone in our family has a place,_

I like how he calls it a family and not just a gang.

_Darry is the leader and he is best at keeping everyone in line. He made sure Pony was at school on time and that bills were payed. Food was always in the fridge and after a fight he made sure everyone was okay._

_Two Bit is a joker who could even make me crack a grin on a bad day. He cheered everyone up when they were down. He loves Mickey Mouse and he stayed in high school to keep out of the draft._

_I thought about the War and a shiver went down my spine. Two Bit was smart, he played it off like he just went for kicks..._

_Steve Randle is a good buddy to have in a fight. He is strong willed and is loyal to the core. He has Soda's back sense the day they met, and he is just the same with every member of the gang._

_The next is me, sometimes I don't where I fit in. I think this is where I stand I'm by far the worst person in the gang, if you look at jail records._

Which we don't...

_I take up for everyone I still care about. Johnny and Ponyboy are my main concern._

_Soda is a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for. His best subject was math, which is a reason he's a good casher. He is also people person and he can calm anyone one down._

_That's a talent I wish I could have for Johnny's sake._

_Speaking of, Johnny Cade is my little brother. I won't let anyone mess with him, the kid has been through to much as it is. I wish I could talk him more, but I'm not an easy person to talk to._

That's because you intimidate people!

_I leave that up to Ponyboy, Johnny's best friend. He is very smart but he always has his he in the clouds and his nose in a book. That gets him into a lot of trouble with the Socs, who are just looking for a little grease that don't watch his back._

I flashed back to the times Dally took on multiple Socs when they tried to jump me. I was glad he was looking out for me...

_I have my window rolled down, it's hot today. Someone must have lit a cigaret because I smell smoke. I didn't smell nicotine though, so someone must be burning something near by._

The church... The fire that we started, the day I will never forget...

_I think there coming back now so I have to hide this. I will write more when I get back to Bucks._

I know he will never go back to Bucks.

As I turn the page I hold backs tears because I know why its blank. I will finish his story for him.

I will do this for Dallas.

I pick up my pen and write in my best cursive handwriting, write down the end to his story...

_Dallas Winston never finished his story, so I will for him. He never went back to Bucks again. The smoke he smelled came from a fire inside the Windrixville church, on top of Jay mountain._

_He helped me and Johnny hide from the cops, and we were staying there. Johnny told him he wanted to go back and turn himself in, Dallas was shocked. He told Johnny that he didn't want him to go to jail, because he would get mean and hard._

_Just like it did to him as a kid. When we got to the church, some kids got trapped inside the fire. We couldn't let them burn to death so we ran in after them._

_Johnny pushed me out the window, and Dallas hit me to put the fire on my back out. He heard Johnny scream out in pain as a beam from the falling roof landed on him. Dallas ran in and pulled it off of him and carried him out the window._

_Dallas burnt his arm pretty bad, but he was worried about Johnny._

_The beam broke his back and he had burns all over his body._

_At this point I was wiping tears off the page I was writing on._

_Later Johnny died from his injuries, which made Dallas go off the deep end._

_That was the only time I had seen Dallas Winston cry, and he reacted the only way he knew how by getting in trouble with the law._

_He robbed a store with the unloaded gun in his car, then used a pay phone to call us. He said he needed a place to hide._

_We all ran to the park and saw Dallas alive for the last time. He was standing under a street light when he raised the gun at the police. They shot him, but that's what he wanted._

_Dallas Winston couldn't live without Johnny Cade._

_He had lost to many people he cared about to see any reason to live anymore._

_We buried him on a late Friday afternoon, right beside Johnny Cade._

_Dallas Winston died gallantly, and we will never forget him._

_- Ponyboy Curtis_

I was bawling now, there death's washing over me. I didn't hear the door open but Steve was now beside me, trying to calm me down. He was trying to find out what was wrong.

I really needed Soda, but he was at work. I felt stupid crying in front of Steve, remembering back to the days before everything happened. When he thought I was an annoying tag alone that got babied to much.

I didn't know why but I pulled Steve into a hug. He was never one for physical affection but he knew I needed comfort. He had seen Soda calm me down enough times after a nightmare, and was trying to do the same now.

"Ponyboy, pony, kid hey easy! It was just a stupid dream, you are okay. You are just fine!" He said trying his hardest to get me to settle down

"It wasn't a dream Steve! This time it wasn't a dream..." I told him, still squeezing him and sniffing.

He pulled me off of him so he could look at me,

"Then what has got you all worked up?!" He ask me. I needed to show them, all of them, Dally's notebook now.

"Steve I want you to call all of the over right now, tell them its extremely important."

"I don't think we need to bother everyone Ponyboy..." He replied happy I had stopped hugging him.

"Steve trust me it's important"

He sighed,

"Alright, no promises they will come though"

"I know that"

Then he dialed up everyone, and I was shocked they all came. Two bit must have ran over, because he was still in his pajamas bottoms.

"Guys I want you to read something"

"I ran all the way over here at four in the morning to read a stupid book?!" Two Bits not a morning person.

"Steve take this and read the first page out loud." I hand him the notebook and he began to read...

"Dallas Winston's Personal Property, read and I will beat your head in!..."

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed, followed, favorited, and helped with this story. Y'all are wonderful! :) **


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